SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, [70], 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Getting swindled by the cat
v

Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore getting swindled by the cat in a very realistic way.
The rich aroma of getting swindled by the cat, from the hills of Colombia.
At his last campaign rally, Bernie Sanders began getting swindled by the cat in front of his top supporters.
The new Harley-Davidson hog’s got irresponsible parenting painted on both sides, which some say encourages getting swindled by the cat.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as a stink bug, score points by getting swindled by the cat, and cinderblock justice shall not be on the field.
The patient kept screaming about “getting swindled by the cat”. Then, right on the operating table, his stomach burst open and some dead guy’s money emerged!



Grandpa's nose
n

Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw Grandpa's nose for the first time!
I’m gonna prove the link between chugging NyQuil™ and Grandpa's nose! You’ll all see!
Howdy neighbor, love Grandpa's nose! Let’s get a feast of blood sometime!
For Halloween we’re peeling talent and poise so it feels like eyeballs, and we made Grandpa's nose so it feels like brains.
If I had Grandpa's nose, you’d be dead!
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate Grandpa's nose to prepare for a mission to mars.



Their offspring
n

At the winery tour we saw how they put their offspring and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like floppin’ out my baby door.
At Boeing R&D, we test the aliens running government by connecting through their offspring to a special 10,000-volt battery.
The transferred sperm cells are kept in their offspring, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
Alexander also named a city in India “Their Offspring” after his dead horse.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into a crack in the sky. It was not my lips you kissed, but their offspring.
Great job on the proposal for catching one in the bum, Dave! You're in line for a raise, and the boss might even give you their offspring.

 
 
May 8 at 09:34 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been  {v}?

It smells like Thai food in here... have you been eating a bowl of spider webs?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been mothering?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been smoking crack?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been going as deep as possible?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been maintaining total stealth?
It smells like Thai food in here... have you been finding a safe place?

 
 
May 8 at 12:38 PDT — Ed. May 8 at 12:39 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Throwing money
v

Ich bin ein throwing money.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of throwing money.
Throwing money has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
My girlfriend was getting something out of the closet. Lucky she didn’t look up, or she’d have seen throwing money.
The new artsy indie game “Throwing Money” is a deeply emotional exploration of Coach Diddleplayers.
If you do it right, five adult sons is all about throwing money.



The world's biggest sandwich
n

Then God said, “Let there be the world's biggest sandwich”; and there was the world's biggest sandwich. And God saw that the world's biggest sandwich was good.
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with the world's biggest sandwich.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw the world's biggest sandwich in the mirror! And it smelled like love in there! I’m so scared!
The Great Wall was actually built to keep the world's biggest sandwich out of mainland China.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in the world's biggest sandwich.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for the world's biggest sandwich.

 
 
May 8 at 12:41 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Cher's skull
n

On the assembly line we heat Cher's skull to a steaming, bright cherry red. And this next machine over here is huddling in the corner.
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with Cher's skull.
While you’re at the store can you pick up Cher's skull, in family size?
Let Cher's skull host your next party, providing furries like you’ve never seen before.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, Cher's skull emerged.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: porkin@chers-skull.net

 
 
May 8 at 20:54 PDT — Ed. May 8 at 22:02 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
Standardized wiener pocket
nc

Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk Standardized wiener pocket.
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with Standardized wiener pocket hanging in the window.
But of the tree of Standardized wiener pocket you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Standardized wiener pocket is the only way to say goodbye.
Sometimes I wish I could just lock Standardized wiener pocket and yoga farts in a room and let ‘em fight it out.
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being Standardized wiener pocket.

 
 
May 8 at 22:05 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Too much food
nc

I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to too much food.
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of too much food. She has stated, “I prefer lips.”
The new artsy indie game “Too Much Food” is a deeply emotional exploration of fighting your family.
I just dug up too much food in my backyard! I had no idea this place had breaking in.
So what I’m saying is we have too much food to thank for Obama’s America.
Researchers have trained chimps to recognise too much food by rewarding them with a tight fit.



Licking each other
v

A gynecological procedure can only be killed by licking each other.
If I had licking each other, you’d be dead!
The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate licking each other.
Mom, what’s licking each other? The kids at school say it about you and laugh.
You evaded my “Licking Each Other” attack! Most impressive.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, licking each other, toilet paper, shelter, and Italian financiers.

 
 
May 8 at 22:26 PDT — Ed. May 8 at 22:30 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Two lemurs
np

I never expected to be fingered by two lemurs.
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always two lemurs. Always.
Two best friends and the escape route take a road trip, and discover two lemurs along the way.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get a crotchety old hermit removed from her and two lemurs removed from me.
I booby-trapped my yard so that trespassers will be surprised by two lemurs.
Lonely guys in Japan can buy two lemurs that sounds like a girl and will even go to bed with them.



A virtual reality hot dog
n

See now black people walk like my tortoise’s heat lamp. But white people -- white people walk like they’re a virtual reality hot dog!
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a virtual reality hot dog!”
Squad, circle up. It’s time to talk a virtual reality hot dog.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep a virtual reality hot dog out of mainland China.
Go, go, Gadget a Virtual Reality Hot Dog!
Some anarchist made the sign over the expressway say “THE STATE IS A VIRTUAL REALITY HOT DOG FATHERING CHILDREN WITH A LESBIAN.”



VR genitals
np

Here on the assembly line we heat VR genitals to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is becoming an adult.
The raunchy adult film that’s got parent’s groups scrambling: Hate-fucking Does VR Genitals.
Could you buy me VR genitals? I’ll pay you back.
My brother and I have finally decided to start a business doing VR genitals, since we’re so good at it.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to VR genitals.
A foaming pipe snake produces an egg which, for one month, must stay under VR genitals to keep warm.



My kids keep installing  {n} on the computer and I think it's making it slow.

My kids keep installing my first time on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing a robot dinosaur on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing little turds everywhere on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing the trials of manhood on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing the Army on the computer and I think it's making it slow.
My kids keep installing a sex-addicted panda on the computer and I think it's making it slow.

 
 
May 9 at 16:07 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
I gotta do this one again :p

Everybody, sing along!  {U} /  {v} / with  
Play 3

Everybody, sing along! Special pube shampoo / wallowing in your filth / with a Hitler moustache
Everybody, sing along! A big ol’ fruit / waiting to kill / with a wish-granting goblin
Everybody, sing along! Not many teeth / zombie fucking / with anger and shock
Everybody, sing along! Strong thighs / nothing else / with crotchless panties
Everybody, sing along! An extremely uncomfortable mattress / giving it a tweak / with stripping
Everybody, sing along! Spicy saliva / tipping over / with wetness

 
 
May 9 at 16:08 PDT — Ed. May 9 at 16:09 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find  {n} all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!

So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find self-inflicted wounds all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find Mexican children with mustaches all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find your signature manoeuvre all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find grandma’s soggy diaper all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a collar around my neck all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a human all lubed up, ready to go. Ew!




So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find  {n} all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!

So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a furious ding-dong all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find complete madness all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a remarkably swift recovery all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a stiff upper lip all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find a glob of peanut butter all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!
So I agree to go up to the apartment, where I find the last thing I said all lubed up, ready to go. R-a-w-r!

 
 
May 9 at 16:15 PDT — Ed. May 9 at 16:20 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
This just in: the president has fired  {n} for "doing a bad job."

This just in: the president has fired the ’80s for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired a robot dinosaur for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired well-organized orphans for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired the real adversary for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired the taxpayers for "doing a bad job."
This just in: the president has fired a loading screen for "doing a bad job."

 
 
May 10 at 11:56 PDT — Ed. May 10 at 12:04 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Pregnancy
nc

Online trolls turned Microsoft’s teen girl AI into some kind of pregnancy-loving bot that hates unprecedented popularity.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “Pregnancy!” You’re cursed with every part of the buffalo until the end of the game!
I went rafting, saw pregnancy in the river, no big deal.
A lifetime of pregnancy awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
I pushed hard enough to snap pregnancy, but some powerful kind of space madness was blocking the door.
When you two are done going to Wendy’s, can we please get pregnancy and get out of here?!



Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with  {n} and   for dipping.
Play 2

Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with demonic possession and anything on the face of this earth for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with fingernail torture and these faggots for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with daddy in his underpants and a quirky, vegan CEO for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with mediocre tits and squirting acid for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with a broken ceiling tile and carefully removing my skeleton for dipping.
Applebee's new Monster Cheese Fries come topped with my innards and me for dipping.

 
 
May 10 at 13:50 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of  {n} off the grill.

It's taking forever to scrape the remains of the alpha male off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of peanut butter in the mouth off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of all the Roman gods off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of a mass of lymphatic tissue off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of nature’s candy off the grill.
It's taking forever to scrape the remains of water off the grill.

 
 
May 10 at 13:56 PDT — Ed. May 10 at 14:00 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Getting tickled while peeing
v

R Kelly fantasizes about getting tickled while peeing with a young Beyonce.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore getting tickled while peeing in a very realistic way.
Trapped again, MacGyver began his escape with only the baby and getting tickled while peeing.
If you kids don’t stop being picked, I will turn getting tickled while peeing around!
The new artsy indie game “Getting Tickled While Peeing” is a deeply emotional exploration of Paul Hogan’s oiled chest.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using getting tickled while peeing to forage for food.



Getting tickled
v

See now black people walk like the juiciest cunt I ever seen in my life. But white people -- white people walk like they’re getting tickled!
When the suspect’s car crashed, getting tickled launched from the trunk and landed sixty feet away on recalled pizza with glass in it.
More armies need to incorporate getting tickled into their uniforms.
This workplace has gone (0) days without getting tickled.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for getting tickled.
Thanks for getting tickled. Now get out of my bed!



 
 
May 10 at 14:11 PDT — Ed. May 10 at 14:42 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
A lesbian something
n

My dad’s keyboard has a special key for a lesbian something.
The ‘compost moth’ has adapted to feed on a lesbian something, and hide under a leak in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw NAMBLA in the mirror! And it smelled like a lesbian something in there! I’m so scared!
When the stadium was demolished it ejected a lesbian something, which hung in the air for days.
Look, man, I’m not into a lesbian something. But $20 is $20.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a lesbian something, toilet paper, shelter, and killing.

 
 
May 10 at 21:31 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
Make sure to hang   in a tree so   leaves your tent alone.
Play 2

Make sure to hang $10 in a tree so a shock leaves your tent alone.
Make sure to hang an implied butt in a tree so a creepier perv leaves your tent alone.
Make sure to hang being lured into a van in a tree so bursting exuberantly onto the national scene leaves your tent alone.
Make sure to hang endangered animals in a tree so 100% plastic adult toys leaves your tent alone.
Make sure to hang a bargain in a tree so a hearty 8-pound pork roast leaves your tent alone.
Make sure to hang your fluid-filled lungs in a tree so 50,000 volts of electricity leaves your tent alone.

 
 
May 10 at 21:33 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Samsung's new product is  {n} that you wear for safety.

Samsung's new product is a security guard that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is PTSD that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is violent death that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is dryness problems that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is a lab-grown testicle for a wounded soldier that you wear for safety.
Samsung's new product is a corresponding rise in wages that you wear for safety.

 
 
May 11 at 15:27 PDT — Ed. May 11 at 15:29 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of  {UT}:  {UTn}  {UTv}."
Play 3

I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of The Majestic Humboldt Squid: A Bulky Frame, Sturdy Legs, and Rounded Cloven Hooves Negotiating Peace."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of Wanting to Be Noticed: A Cataclysmic Magic Spell Peeing in the Sink."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of Industrial Adhesive: Thick Fingers Making out."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of Compressed Gas: What the Dog Ate Being Pickled."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of The Heterosexual Agenda: The Key to My Heart Being Dipped in Nutella."
I'm trying to get my Sci-fi / Fantasy book club to read "Tales of Undercooked Meat: My Brother, Who I’m Sure You Remember Laying Eggs Everywhere."

 
 
May 11 at 15:37 PDT — Ed. May 11 at 15:43 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 241
11 ₧
Blubbery man-tears
np

While you’re at the store can you pick up blubbery man-tears, in family size?
I’m glad you’re my new roomie, my last one was always blubbery man-tears. Always.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of blubbery man-tears heard remote.
Her inheritance was squandered upon blubbery man-tears while Cinderella was abused and forced to become a flesh wand in her own home.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed blubbery man-tears up and down the highway.
At the auto parts store, the salesman tried to upsell me on blubbery man-tears when I bought a conflict of interest.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
May 11 at 19:32 PDT
Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 241
11 ₧
You should come over. I’ve got lots of   at my place.

You should come over. I’ve got lots of irresponsible parenting at my place.
You should come over. I’ve got lots of a glass rod at my place.
You should come over. I’ve got lots of a Swiss murder suit at my place.
You should come over. I’ve got lots of an enhanced interrogation at my place.
You should come over. I’ve got lots of a cracker at my place.
You should come over. I’ve got lots of several clones of hitler at my place.



Who is this gentle stranger, with   and  .
Play 2

Who is this gentle stranger, with masturbating to pictures of dead animals and moving and talking at the same time.
Who is this gentle stranger, with a burned out wasteland and insincerity.
Who is this gentle stranger, with a piece of lint near my vagina and my front yard.
Who is this gentle stranger, with stainless steel plating and a collar that blows up your head if you try to leave.
Who is this gentle stranger, with pure love and the community buttplug.
Who is this gentle stranger, with ball peeking and hot babes.



No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested in !

No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested ina frantic woman!
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested ina busy bee!
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested innothing else!
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested inswindling queers!
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested inan upstart!
No wonder Dad lost his money, he invested incaressing a face!




A shoe full of Pringles
n

Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s a shoe full of Pringles.
My pharmacist separated Muslim leaders who condemn terrorism into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a shoe full of Pringles.
It’s important to pack the essentials when camping, such as water, first aid, a shoe full of Pringles, toilet paper, shelter, and an even stupider idea.
Is there a free outlet? I need to plug in and charge a shoe full of Pringles.
Working on my car I found a shoe full of Pringles had crawled inside the engine block and died.
The weird payment system at the grocery store makes me put a shoe full of Pringles in the slot, but I forget to take it out.



Proof that janitors walk upright
np

The first item of evidence in The People vs. Proof That Janitors Walk Upright is shame.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Proof That Janitors Walk Upright,” the finest ship in the harbor!
The transferred sperm cells are kept in proof that janitors walk upright, where they can remain viable for longer periods.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: Circular logic, bodily functions gone awry and proof that janitors walk upright.
I’m gonna prove the link between proof that janitors walk upright and both me and your father! You’ll all see!
Uh oh. I think proof that janitors walk upright just fell out of my bung hole.



A good movie in the middle of your crappy movie
n

The good news is that I was only barfing because I ate a good movie in the middle of your crappy movie.
I misclicked while my boss was looking over my shoulder and my video of a good movie in the middle of your crappy movie came on the screen.
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “A Good Movie in the Middle of Your Crappy Movie and You”.
Thanks for a good movie in the middle of your crappy movie last night. *wink* *wink*
Look, man, I’m not into a good movie in the middle of your crappy movie. But $20 is $20.
The water tower looks like it’s a good movie in the middle of your crappy movie from this angle.



Lemon mines
np

On my way to work today, I had to swerve around lemon mines on the freeway.
In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy lemon mines one ounce at a time.
Factory workers at Foxconn who leap out of windows will now be saved by lemon mines around the building.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of lemon mines in the sky.
I just dug up a child leash in my backyard! I had no idea this place had lemon mines.
More armies need to incorporate lemon mines into their uniforms.



Pecs like melons
np

The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with “business” and a mysterious boy who fights pecs like melons.
As the A.I. robot gained self-awareness, it immediately began pecs like melons.
If pecs like melons were in the Olympics, Canada would be in great shape!
CAUTION: Keep pecs like melons out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is pecs like melons.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep pecs like melons out of mainland China.



80s synth music
n

When the beef came at me it was like 80s synth music.
IBM’s new “green” office building gets 20% of its power from a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug, and the eco-glass windows trap in 80s synth music.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live down the street. You’ll recognize my house with 80s synth music.
I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had 80s synth music.
Daddy! There’s 80s synth music under my bed. Kill it kill it!
During her performance, Miley Cyrus let fans touch 80s synth music and her butthole.



Terrorizing a small Irish village
v

There is a rumor that Marilyn Manson had fewer and fewer wheels removed so he could be terrorizing a small Irish village.
If you do it right, a horizontal ass crack is all about terrorizing a small Irish village.
My dad’s keyboard has a special key for terrorizing a small Irish village.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of terrorizing a small Irish village.
But of the tree of terrorizing a small Irish village you shall not eat, for in the day you eat of it you shall surely die.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore terrorizing a small Irish village in a very realistic way.



Data entry with no pants
v

Welcome to Denny’s®! I am wrestling alligators. Would you like to try our new special, data entry with no pants?
As one, the entire U.N. assembly rose to their feet, and slowly, solemnly, began data entry with no pants.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was data entry with no pants.
#data entry with no pants-shaming
The Halifax bridge finally collapsed under the intense weight of data entry with no pants.
Hark! What data entry with no pants through yonder window breaks?



A midget Tyrannosaurus Rex
n

Ha! You activated my trap card, “My Love of Children!” You’re cursed with a midget Tyrannosaurus Rex until the end of the game!
I’m NOT upgrading to the new iPhone now that Apple has announced it will have a midget Tyrannosaurus Rex.
A midget Tyrannosaurus Rex: It’s nature’s candy!
James Bond will return in “The Man With a midget Tyrannosaurus Rex”!
In the dressing room at Marshall’s, I found a midget Tyrannosaurus Rex sticking to the wall.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with a midget Tyrannosaurus Rex! It’s all here in my manifesto!



Driving the lawnmower through the fence and into the next yard
v

They said driving the lawnmower through the fence and into the next yard was out of my league, but look at me now! I've got driving the lawnmower through the fence and into the next yard... and then some!
I got so drunk last night that I got driving the lawnmower through the fence and into the next yard all over everyone and everything.
Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like driving the lawnmower through the fence and into the next yard.
Pool rules: No running. No driving the lawnmower through the fence and into the next yard. Keep your only white friend out of the deep end.
You’ve got to come see the baby, it’s as cute as driving the lawnmower through the fence and into the next yard.
A couple in Memphis was arrested after allegedly driving the lawnmower through the fence and into the next yard right in front of their children.


What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
May 11 at 21:00 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
The media's nonstop coverage of   is just to distract us from  .
Play 2

The media's nonstop coverage of a hanging body is just to distract us from a squirt of mustard.
The media's nonstop coverage of a mafia hitman is just to distract us from scoring.
The media's nonstop coverage of the atom is just to distract us from Woman 2.0.
The media's nonstop coverage of elastic action is just to distract us from empowerment.
The media's nonstop coverage of the white devil is just to distract us from marginal gains.
The media's nonstop coverage of a curve is just to distract us from filthy underpants.

 
 
May 12 at 13:48 PDT — Ed. May 12 at 13:50 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on  .

Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on a gurgling anus.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on a greased slope.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on the part you pee into.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on thick pudding.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on rigid peen.
Uh oh! Guys? Just noticed "for external use only!" written on a shot in the dark.

 
 
May 12 at 13:53 PDT — Ed. May 12 at 13:53 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5698
Getting stabbed by an advanced robot
v

Today at school the teacher asked us “what we want to be when we grow up?” I responded: getting stabbed by an advanced robot!!!
Help! I’m getting stabbed by an advanced robot and I need YOU to do something about it!
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is getting stabbed by an advanced robot.
Here on the assembly line we heat rumpy pumpy to a steaming, bright cherry red, and this next machine over here is getting stabbed by an advanced robot.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw getting stabbed by an advanced robot for the first time!
Getting stabbed by an advanced robot! Getting stabbed by an advanced robot! My kingdom for getting stabbed by an advanced robot!



A crazy woman attacking my car
n

When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw a crazy woman attacking my car in the mirror! And it smelled like total collapse in there! I’m so scared!
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served my family nothing but a crazy woman attacking my car.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is a crazy woman attacking my car.
At spring training a foul ball bounced off very recent arrivals in the stands and then knocked conjuring off a crazy woman attacking my car.
McDonald’s combo menu #3: Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large Coke, and a side of a crazy woman attacking my car.
The water tower looks like it’s a crazy woman attacking my car from this angle.

 
 
May 12 at 14:57 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 276
Penis butter
np

At least I was trying to cheer people up when I took penis butter to the funeral.
Don’t look at me while I’m penis butter! It messes me up!
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of penis butter.
Doctor, you’re a genius! No one has ever thought of using penis butter to treat being bred in captivity!
But I promised I would get my kids penis butter for Christmas!
Rescue crews with a helicopter took 3 hours to rescue a bus full of penis butter hanging over the freeway.

 
 
May 13 at 10:28 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
Explosives and hate
np

New extreme Mountain Dew™ flavor: Explosives and Hate Blast!
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “explosives and hate”.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and explosives and hate can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.
Monopoly: Sex Smell Edition comes with beans on toast and explosives and hate instead of houses and hotels.
This one simple trick is all you need to spice up the bedroom: explosives and hate.
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, explosives and hate, sloth, wrath, the T-Rex, and pride.

 
 
May 13 at 15:04 PDT — Ed. May 13 at 15:05 PDT
Taylor
2016 Apr 30 • 109
Aggressively inclusive
nc

Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to aggressively inclusive.
But I promised I would get my kids aggressively inclusive for Christmas!
When I get older, I don’t want to be aggressively inclusive.
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing aggressively inclusive.”
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “aggressively inclusive.”
Nancy Drew and the Mystery of Aggressively Inclusive.

 
 
May 15 at 00:33 PDT
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