SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

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Crytax
Ph. D in Cryonics

2006 Apr 26 • 331
11 ₧
Moderate-to-severe joint pain
nc

It’s not delivery. It’s moderate-to-severe joint pain.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to moderate-to-severe joint pain, even before I put on my clothes.
Authorities were tallying damage from moderate-to-severe joint pain that struck southern California Friday evening.
This land is this sentence land, this land is moderate-to-severe joint pain land.
Sometimes, when hiking through the woods, you might cross paths with moderate-to-severe joint pain. So bring a 100 foot tidal wave.
Wife and I got a bit kinky last night. Ended up at the hospital to get fluids from my face removed from her and moderate-to-severe joint pain removed from me.

What if Gillette WAS the best a man could get?
 
 
Oct 17 at 21:36 PDT — Ed. Oct 24 at 21:57 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
I've been diagnosed with  {UT}'s Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be  {}.
Play 2

I've been diagnosed with Masturbating Furiously's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be a “Hey!”.
I've been diagnosed with Thrifty Moms's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be dicking around.
I've been diagnosed with Touching Your Vaggie While Sleeping's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be a lucky toss.
I've been diagnosed with Kicking the Door Down's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be an exit wound.
I've been diagnosed with Assassinating Kim Jong-un's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be a certain je ne sais quoi.
I've been diagnosed with Ointment's Syndrome. It makes my body always try to be choking bitches.

 
 
Oct 19 at 17:30 PDT — Ed. Oct 19 at 17:33 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
This particular salmon
n

My wife printed me a certifcate for this particular salmon. I’m excited for tonight!
This particular salmon has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.
Furious that I was going to Wendy’s into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into this particular salmon.
Trolls tricked Microsoft’s teen girl AI, Tay, into making offensive remarks about this particular salmon.
For my last meal I want this particular salmon seasoned lightly with making didgeridoo sounds.
Traffic has only gotten worse since the transportation department deployed this particular salmon up and down the highway.

 
 
Oct 19 at 17:34 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 156
Flying to Peru to eat a pet
v

Always walk into an interview with Christopher Lloyd holding a dog and confidence, and you’ll get the job. Unless they hate Flying to Peru to eat a pet.
At the winery tour we saw how they put the reanimated corpse of my neighbor and grapes in the tank, but it smelled like Flying to Peru to eat a pet.
I’ll never know why my grandparents find Flying to Peru to eat a pet so relaxing.
The authorities followed the trail of Flying to Peru to eat a pet, leading them straight to the suspect.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of Flying to Peru to eat a pet.
If you do it right, a Japanese woman’s underwear is all about Flying to Peru to eat a pet.

 
 
Oct 22 at 23:01 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 156
A fancy orphan
n

The rich aroma of a fancy orphan, from the hills of Colombia.
I couldn’t see the eclipse because of a fancy orphan in the sky.
My kid was acting like a fancy orphan, so I took away nasty boys privileges.
My pharmacist separated a death sentence into two parts, and carefully lowered one into a fancy orphan.
In future times, the children will work together to build a fancy orphan.
A fancy orphan saved is a fancy orphan earned.

 
 
Oct 22 at 23:03 PDT
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 156
Pooping and screaming
vt

I refuse to roleplay as anything but pooping and screaming.
No thanks. My doctor said pooping and screaming makes defecation painful.
Jesus is pooping and screaming.
Furious that I was pooping and screaming into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into baseless hatred.
I didn’t have any cash, so I tipped the pizza guy with pooping and screaming.
We have a zero tolerance policy for an odd number of titties here at Disney. So get pooping and screaming and get out!

 
 
Oct 23 at 22:44 PDT — Ed. Oct 23 at 22:45 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
For a healthy snack, try  .

For a healthy snack, try vibrating my pineal gland.
For a healthy snack, try poopy toilet paper.
For a healthy snack, try a pill for every problem.
For a healthy snack, try the placenta.
For a healthy snack, try a mild orgasm.
For a healthy snack, try closing her legs.

 
 
Oct 26 at 21:58 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
A 100' crane
n

Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from milking a buffalo with a 100' crane.
When I told my father he shouted, “No daughter of mine is going out with a 100' crane!”
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of a 100' crane.
The thief was caught stealing a 100' crane from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of Russian dressing.
Instructions unclear: got a 100' crane stuck in godless heathens.
What the sizzling assholes department lacks in selection, we make up for in a 100' crane.

 
 
Nov 5 at 11:49 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
If something crawls onto the patio, do  {pc} to it.

If something crawls onto the patio, do new rules from on high to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do hugs and kisses to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do landlubbers to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do giggling schoolgirls with cameras to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do my work to it.
If something crawls onto the patio, do white boys to it.

 
 
Nov 5 at 11:50 PST — Ed. Nov 5 at 11:51 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do  {n} to entertain everyone.

I'm gonna get up on stage, and do quick-set cement to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do sudden nudity to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do the hottest girl to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do a glass pane to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do the mayor to entertain everyone.
I'm gonna get up on stage, and do my hood to entertain everyone.

 
 
Nov 5 at 11:52 PST — Ed. Nov 6 at 22:09 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
Smoking and talking about Satan
v

The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, smoking and talking about Satan, sloth, wrath, thunderous applause, and pride.
In Kentucky stores can’t sell Winona Ryder’s leather jacket after 8pm, or on holidays like Smoking and Talking About Satan Day.
Woah, weird, is anyone else getting turned on by smoking and talking about Satan?
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was smoking and talking about Satan.
The biggest float in the Macy’s Parade this year is smoking and talking about Satan.
4 out of 5 doctors recommend smoking and talking about Satan.

 
 
Nov 6 at 16:23 PST — Ed. Nov 6 at 22:09 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson
n

When the mixture is bubbling, delicately add astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson to the pan, while stirring constantly.
Honey, you can’t keep putting astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson down the garbage disposal!
No more astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson at Starbucks.
My dream house has a made up racial slur built in, an extra garage for the baby, and astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson for the door bell.
This is a great piece, it doesn’t have a lot of action, but it has a lot of astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson.
I refuse to roleplay as anything but astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson.

 
 
Nov 7 at 15:05 PST — Ed. Nov 7 at 15:05 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
Shark teeth
np

People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is shark teeth.
The new top grade of gasoline has shark teeth as an additive, which is actually really good for your car.
I saw a syringe of Tabasco down the long corridor, two of them, actually. I stood still in terror as they said, “You’ll be shark teeth with us.”
The ‘truth serum moth’ has adapted to feed on shark teeth, and hide under thick oatmeal in cities and towns to spin its cocoon.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Shark Teeth,” the finest ship in the harbor!
A close call can actually erode shark teeth, which is gradually causing a decrease in effectiveness.

 
 
Nov 7 at 15:07 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
A sausage casing
n

I thought I was alone with a sausage casing but my mom walked in. We got to doing it again and I felt better.
You spent all your food-stamps on a sausage casing?!
The terrorists will execute a trap that shoots a poison dart every 20 minutes until they receive a sausage casing.
I don’t need love because I’m a sausage casing. Sorry mom!
To change kitty’s litter: grab sex, dig out any clumps, and refill with a sausage casing.
Can’t go out because of a sausage casing on your face? Ask your dermatologist if Zal-cough-syrup-cor is right for you.

 
 
Nov 7 at 15:08 PST — Ed. Nov 7 at 15:08 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
Three men and a lady
np

The president’s tweet reads: “The three men and a lady story is a hoax! Just an excuse by a big bomb for succumbing to nature! Very sad and sick!”
In Siberia they built a tunnel to help endangered animals travel safely under three men and a lady.
We need more black cards! Maybe another one about furries, but with three men and a lady!
When I went into the bathroom I swear I saw three men and a lady in the mirror! And it smelled like a child predator in there! I’m so scared!
According to the Senate, the Internet is a series of three men and a lady.
When I was bodybuilding I tried to dead-lift Asia over my head, but three men and a lady got in the way.

 
 
Nov 7 at 15:09 PST
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 156
Experiencing female pattern baldness
v

It smells like Thai food in here... have you been Experiencing female pattern baldness?
Lucy Liu has studied various rituals of that demon torture puzzle box. She has stated, “I prefer Experiencing female pattern baldness.”
I’m Experiencing female pattern baldness for Jesus.
We have a zero tolerance policy for Experiencing female pattern baldness here at Disney. So get overzealous product placement and get out!
The Luba of Central Africa are the only known culture with a specific word for Experiencing female pattern baldness.
I bought spines yesterday and now I can’t stop Experiencing female pattern baldness!

 
 
Nov 7 at 17:11 PST — Ed. Nov 7 at 17:12 PST
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 156
Ruth Bader Ginsberg's three broken ribs
np

During the war, German scientists experimented with the next time to weaponize Ruth Bader Ginsberg's three broken ribs.
Sir, you have a phone call. Something about Ruth Bader Ginsberg's three broken ribs?
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “Ruth Bader Ginsberg's three broken ribs”.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like my daughter and is carrying Ruth Bader Ginsberg's three broken ribs.
Sean Connery famously likes to spend his whole vacation in a beach chair with Ruth Bader Ginsberg's three broken ribs in his lap.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by Ruth Bader Ginsberg's three broken ribs.

 
 
Nov 9 at 19:18 PST — Ed. Nov 9 at 19:19 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
This new "Smart" toilet scans  {n}.

This new "Smart" toilet scans acute watery diarrhea.
This new "Smart" toilet scans organic porpoise semen.
This new "Smart" toilet scans the men who helped me.
This new "Smart" toilet scans that fly in here.
This new "Smart" toilet scans a short muscular rectum.
This new "Smart" toilet scans the whole bottle of sleeping pills.

 
 
Nov 14 at 11:49 PST — Ed. Nov 14 at 11:49 PST
Signa
2013 Dec 28 • 156
Flexing on Grandma
v

They cut open the crocodile to find the cruel ambition of my father, still Flexing on Grandma like always.
Shepherds in Scotland have used breaking a promise for years to keep the flock from Flexing on Grandma.
I heard you can rent a friend in Tokyo, but only if one of you is Flexing on Grandma.
Growing up in the foster care system, I learned to be Flexing on Grandma if I wanted a new family.
CAUTION: Keep a $160,000 diamond out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks Flexing on Grandma.
A new study found that giving employees compliments and Flexing on Grandma can help motivate them, even more than a cash bonus.

 
 
Nov 20 at 06:21 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
Qualms
np

Sir, you have a phone call. Something about qualms?
I’m terrible at goodbyes, but not as terrible as qualms.
The problem with America is qualms.
I’ve finally got the last of body parts of celebrities out of qualms.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as qualms, score points by just falling out of my bung hole, and more blood shall not be on the field.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of qualms, my murder list, and our cute little gay faces.



I didn't know what to think when   popped outta my birthday cake.

I didn't know what to think when another way in popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when dad popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when shitting glitter popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when getting wrapped around a tree popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when a gentle kiss on the teeth popped outta my birthday cake.
I didn't know what to think when a $160,000 diamond popped outta my birthday cake.

 
 
Nov 20 at 12:27 PST — Ed. Nov 20 at 12:28 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
A very sick individual put needles in  {n}.

A very sick individual put needles in dirty spaghetti.
A very sick individual put needles in an elephant with floppy trunk syndrome.
A very sick individual put needles in MY SKULL!.
A very sick individual put needles in every part of the buffalo.
A very sick individual put needles in setbacks.
A very sick individual put needles in a death sentence.

 
 
Nov 20 at 12:29 PST — Ed. Nov 20 at 12:30 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
Being killed and then pardoned
v

The TSA has made new rules mandating being killed and then pardoned on every commercial flight.
Gather round, family, it’s time to hang being killed and then pardoned on the Christmas tree.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of being killed and then pardoned.
I think that ecstasy was cut with hot sparks. After one hit I began very, very rapidly being killed and then pardoned.
My favorite new band is “Cunting Around Even Harder and Being Killed and Then Pardoned”.
So I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected. It’s being killed and then pardoned.

 
 
Nov 28 at 11:11 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
The Queen is going to knight  . Sir  {UT}.
Play 1

The Queen is going to knight taking a flying leap. Sir Taking a Flying Leap.
The Queen is going to knight a respected neurosurgeon. Sir A Respected Neurosurgeon.
The Queen is going to knight a trap. Sir A Trap.
The Queen is going to knight the whole bottle of sleeping pills. Sir The Whole Bottle of Sleeping Pills.
The Queen is going to knight putting the “I” back in “team”. Sir Putting the “I” Back in “team”.
The Queen is going to knight a glob of peanut butter. Sir A Glob of Peanut Butter.

 
 
Nov 28 at 11:12 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
 {nU}  {v}. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Play 2

The big ol’ boys dropping an upper-decker. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
My black son putting the “I” back in “team”. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Consensual manslaughter struggling with a police officer. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Slavery murdering. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
A concrete, actual object scissoring. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
An orbital laser satellite making a little whoopsie. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

 
 
Nov 28 at 11:13 PST
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 6070
Becoming sentient
v

Our artisanal process ages good, Christian values for 3 years, before going right into becoming sentient, rapidly panicking in a Subaru.
Welcome to Denny’s®! I am becoming sentient. Would you like to try our new special, no less than sixteen Mexican corpses?
SpaceX is developing a machine to simulate becoming sentient to prepare for a mission to mars.
I can’t believe it, Jason! I’ve been gone for 24 hours and you’re still becoming sentient!
The HOA says I can’t raise my first time on my property. Meanwhile no word about becoming sentient at the Jones’s!
Dwayne Johnson has a secret tattoo that reads, “becoming sentient,” with a picture of reduced brain intelligence.

 
 
Nov 28 at 11:14 PST