SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 3 ... 12 13 14 [15] 16 17 18 ... 105 106 107
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
alcohol ?

Then God said, “Let there be alcohol”; and there was alcohol. And God saw that alcohol was good.
Alien cover-ups, false flag operations, and military experiments with alcohol! It’s all here in my manifesto!
The city condemned our house after finding alcohol in the crawlspace.
And before I let your steam drill beat me down, I’ll die with alcohol in my hand.
The cruiseliner struck alcohol and sank, leaving hundreds of vacationers in the water to deal with shenanigans.
And my mother said, “How come you’re not alcohol like your brother?”

 
 
2016 Apr 11 at 21:26 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 11 at 21:28 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
hitting a man out of his wheelchair ?

John “hitting a man out of his wheelchair” Smith. The genius who brought us expulsion.
What’s in the fridge? Soda, OJ, hitting a man out of his wheelchair... Sweet! Sunny-D!
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with hitting a man out of his wheelchair hanging in the window.
hitting a man out of his wheelchair isn’t getting old, but I sure am!
At the lake, everyone began scrambling toward the shore as hitting a man out of his wheelchair surfaced from below.
In the public hitting a man out of his wheelchair model, a third-party service provider delivers the hitting a man out of his wheelchair service over the Internet.

 
 
2016 Apr 11 at 21:29 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 11 at 21:29 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
being dragged ?

I’ve been single ever since my girlfriend found out I had being dragged.
My car looks like it’s being dragged but I don’t mind. It gets me from point A to point B.
Being dragged can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
Dear diary, today I went into the city and saw being dragged for the first time!
Always makes me hungry when I see the butcher shop with being dragged hanging in the window.
BonerQuest! Chapter 7, in which our randy hero deals with being dragged.

 
 
2016 Apr 11 at 21:31 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 11 at 21:32 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
getting all over my new furniture ?

Until quite recently, getting all over my new furniture had the highest tensile strength of any substance known to man.
Work on the Taft bridge ground to a halt, due to the union’s demands for getting all over my new furniture.
The hardware store didn’t have getting all over my new furniture left, so I got a planet.
People are freaking out because the new Happy Meal PEZ® dispenser is getting all over my new furniture.
My nightly ritual involves getting all over my new furniture, a giant eraser, and finally filthy underpants just as I fall asleep.
In my state, getting all over my new furniture for sustenance is a legal right for many indigenous people.

 
 
2016 Apr 11 at 21:33 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 11 at 21:34 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
having no time for your childish behavior ?

Having no time for your childish behavior can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
In this 15th century painting, having no time for your childish behavior is represented by a man with affectionate biting for a head.
Ich bin ein having no time for your childish behavior.
We finally hired a guy at work to take care of having no time for your childish behavior.
The city condemned our house after finding having no time for your childish behavior in the crawlspace.
Every morning I hop out of bed and get straight to having no time for your childish behavior, even before I put on my clothes.

 
 
2016 Apr 11 at 21:34 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
To cast the spell to ward away  , young wizard, prepare a mixture with   and say the magic words "Lumiarmus Conjurendus  dus !"3

To cast the spell to ward away very fine points, young wizard, prepare a mixture with a medley and say the magic words "Lumiarmus Conjurendus a death sentencedus !"
To cast the spell to ward away amputated eyelids, young wizard, prepare a mixture with feasting and slaughter and say the magic words "Lumiarmus Conjurendus insinceritydus !"
To cast the spell to ward away alien parasite larvae, young wizard, prepare a mixture with a hollow shell and say the magic words "Lumiarmus Conjurendus what we asked fordus !"
To cast the spell to ward away doing a bad job at pooping, young wizard, prepare a mixture with insurance and say the magic words "Lumiarmus Conjurendus entering hibernationdus !"
To cast the spell to ward away an under-the-table interaction, young wizard, prepare a mixture with violent death and say the magic words "Lumiarmus Conjurendus a giant cyborgdus !"
To cast the spell to ward away a bullet hole, young wizard, prepare a mixture with several children and say the magic words "Lumiarmus Conjurendus gettin’ all up closedus !"

 
 
2016 Apr 11 at 21:37 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 11 at 21:49 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
a totally fake magic spell ?

At LAX travelers were horrified to see a totally fake magic spell spilling onto the baggage carousel, then one after another.
A totally fake magic spell is the only way to say goodbye.
I noticed symptoms of less candy than usual, so I went to my naturopathic doctor. He said, “it’s a totally fake magic spell!” but I’m not sure.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using a totally fake magic spell to forage for food.
I picked up a hitchhiker and he showed me a totally fake magic spell while we were still in the car.
My dream house has casualties out front, picture windows for double rat butts, and a totally fake magic spell in the garage.

 
 
2016 Apr 11 at 21:51 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 11 at 21:52 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
a prybar ?

Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by strands of my darling’s hair and a prybar.
What the shoe department lacks in service, we make up for in a prybar.
The night before Easter, we’ll set up a prybar on the porch to surprise the kids.
Happiness: A jaunty tune, a prybar, and smearing.
When the research team activated the interdimensional portal, a prybar emerged.
Abraham Lincoln wrestled with depression, but that did not keep him from counting the dead sons with a prybar.

 
 
2016 Apr 12 at 07:22 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 12 at 07:24 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
advanced settings ?

Happiness: A vortex that keeps mumbling, advanced settings, and a man staring into space.
Go, go, Gadget Advanced Settings!
It’s not delivery. It’s advanced settings.
In this 15th century painting, advanced settings is represented by a man with ancient Chinese medicine for a head.
I’ve got a master’s degree in Advanced Settings!
If my horrible neighbor doesn’t get advanced settings off my property, I’m calling the cops!

 
 
2016 Apr 12 at 09:53 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 12 at 09:54 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
Wake turbulence, also known as  , is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.

Wake turbulence, also known as zigzagging wildly, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as grunting mermaids, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as conjuring, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a macabre mixture of milk and blood shooting out of every orifice, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a light dusting of pubes, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as T-boning an ambulance, is turbulence that forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air.

 
 
2016 Apr 12 at 10:01 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 12 at 10:02 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
^ Thoughts on this one? Do you like the wording, or do you think it could be worded a little differently/better?
 
 
2016 Apr 12 at 10:03 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
It's pretty good already. I tried a couple changes but they weren't better. Maybe move the blank down?

Wake turbulence forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air. It's also known as  .

Wake turbulence forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air. It's also known as a prepaid Visa™.
Wake turbulence forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air. It's also known as reasons to do it.
Wake turbulence forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air. It's also known as several children.
Wake turbulence forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air. It's also known as befuddlin’ mah dumb cracka mind.
Wake turbulence forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air. It's also known as a finely sculpted buttock.
Wake turbulence forms behind an aircraft as it passes through the air. It's also known as a bandsaw.

 
 
2016 Apr 12 at 10:17 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 12 at 10:25 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5902
Could also turn it into a conspiracy theory thing:

The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're  {vpc}!

The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're journeying to far-off lands!
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're secret Jews!
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're compost!
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're laying eggs everywhere!
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're doing things to the body!
The government says chemtrails from planes are just condensation. But we know they're keepin’ it warm in the cooch!

 
 
2016 Apr 12 at 10:24 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 12 at 10:25 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Wake turbulence, also known as  , is turbulence that forms behind   as it passes through the air.2

Wake turbulence, also known as twerking while uncontrollably farting, is turbulence that forms behind body shaming as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as real life, is turbulence that forms behind explicit eating as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a well-rehearsed lie, is turbulence that forms behind floating away in a fucking balloon as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a poisonous bosom snake, is turbulence that forms behind leaving nothing sacred as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a sterilized dog, is turbulence that forms behind a serious scuffle as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a nurse, is turbulence that forms behind the heart as it passes through the air.

 
 
2016 Apr 12 at 11:45 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 12 at 11:46 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Nailed it.
nailing it ?

In New York, a new law went into effect at midnight making it legal to buy an ounce of nailing it at a time.
If you see your dog scooting his butt on the carpet, it probably mean he’s nailing it.
The Great Wall was actually built to keep nailing it out of mainland China.
Chimps in the wild have been observed using nailing it to forage for food.
Don’t look at me while I’m nailing it! It messes me up!
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: nailing-it@a-fresh-clean-merkin.net

 
 
2016 Apr 12 at 11:47 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 12 at 11:47 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
The fortunes were squandered upon   while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become   in her own house.2

The fortunes were squandered upon not taking care of your body while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become a bag of chips in her own house.
The fortunes were squandered upon adhesive in all the wrong places while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become pooping for four hours a day in her own house.
The fortunes were squandered upon a little of this, a little of that while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become piles of limbs in her own house.
The fortunes were squandered upon reasonable stereotypes while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become a tiny Jamaican in her own house.
The fortunes were squandered upon a flagrant misuse of the English language while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become an itchy shirt tag in her own house.
The fortunes were squandered upon earwig pincers while Cinderella was abused, humiliated, and finally forced to become the heart in her own house.

 
 
2016 Apr 12 at 11:55 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 12 at 11:56 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding,  ,  , all that sort of thing.2

Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding, Cochise, the last man in the room, all that sort of thing.
Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding, a royal fleet of galleys, fewer wheels, all that sort of thing.
Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding, an obstinate, but lovable grandfather, the off-switch, all that sort of thing.
Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding, what Mom made, feeling fat and sassy, all that sort of thing.
Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding, negotiating peace, going straight to hell for this, all that sort of thing.
Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding, a flea, the French crown, all that sort of thing.

 
 
2016 Apr 12 at 11:58 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 12 at 12:02 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
aaronjer said:
Wake turbulence, also known as  , is turbulence that forms behind   as it passes through the air.2

Wake turbulence, also known as tweaker logic, is turbulence that forms behind a falling tree as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as rhythmic pounding, is turbulence that forms behind some guy named Darryl as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as scary men, is turbulence that forms behind a makeshift defensive structure as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as less chaos, is turbulence that forms behind flailing as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a double-meat pizza, is turbulence that forms behind very fine points as it passes through the air.
Wake turbulence, also known as a statue of the goddess, is turbulence that forms behind sabotage as it passes through the air.



Ooh I like that one. Let's do that one.
 
 
2016 Apr 12 at 15:01 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 278
Got this gem from Conan O'Brien

pinking up your nips v

Then God said, “Let there be pinking up your nips”; and there was pinking up your nips. And God saw that pinking up your nips was good.
When a Secret Service agent is ready, pinking up your nips will appear.
My dream house has a tug out front, picture windows for pinking up your nips, and a centerpiece in the garage.
Peter Molyneux’s new game will use facial recognition to explore pinking up your nips in a very realistic way.
10% of all proceeds from sales of motor control will go to The Pinking up Your Nips foundation.
There is no revenge so complete as pinking up your nips.

 
 
2016 Apr 12 at 15:11 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 12 at 15:12 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
Wriggling and thrashing v

In this 15th century painting, Wriggling and thrashing is represented by a man with ample legroom for a head.
A weird glitch in the Oculus Rift demo caused me to experience Wriggling and thrashing like I was really there.
Throughout human history, Wriggling and thrashing has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
Although moving away from a strange candy that makes you gay proved effective for schools, switching to Wriggling and thrashing initially led to a spike of child hospitalizations.
Amtrak officials confirm Wriggling and thrashing would have prevented train derailment.
I chipped my tooth on just me, by myself. My dentist said I’m lucky it wasn’t Wriggling and thrashing.

 
 
2016 Apr 12 at 17:24 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 12 at 17:25 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
forcing me to watch ?

I thought I was being attacked, and I defended myself with forcing me to watch.
In the end, the obvious plot twist was that the serial killer was actually forcing me to watch.
There’s no reason for forcing me to watch before breakfast.
I went rafting, saw forcing me to watch in the river, no big deal.
We’re having a garage sale to get rid of forcing me to watch, the NAACP, and swindling queers.
Forcing me to watch is grounds for divorcing your wife in 28 states.

 
 
2016 Apr 13 at 10:22 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 13 at 10:23 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
going as deep as possible ?

Man invented going as deep as possible, so woman invented not a bear.
My father abandoned my mother and I because he was going as deep as possible.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “Going as Deep as Possible” syndrome!
I am become going as deep as possible, the destroyer of worlds.
Back in my day, we had going as deep as possible for a low wall and we LIKED IT.
The school district had to pay a lot of hush money to parents after the “going as deep as possible” incident in the science lab.

 
 
2016 Apr 13 at 10:23 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
making sure it hurts ?

I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide making sure it hurts directly.
Ever since the accident, I freeze in terror at the sight of making sure it hurts.
When eating alone I prefer a special kind of sandwich: layers of making sure it hurts and a child muzzle.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “Making Sure It Hurts,” the finest ship in the harbor!
I’ve been dancing to the new single by “Making Sure It Hurts and a Cure for What Ails Ya”.
Someone get Michael! His girlfriend is drunk, up on the table, and she’s making sure it hurts.

 
 
2016 Apr 13 at 10:24 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 13 at 10:25 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
your best friend ?

These wounds were given to me by the beast of legend. Part of it was a girl on roller skates, part was a feast of blood, and it was crowned with your best friend.
I don’t give money to the homeless. Instead I provide your best friend directly.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow your best friend?
I met this hot chick online. She says she’s your best friend and I think I believe her!
My teacher graded my paper F because I wrote about your best friend.
Spice up the bedroom by your best friend.

 
 
2016 Apr 13 at 10:26 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 13 at 10:26 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
gangstas np

The Chinese government has blocked all websites related to gangstas.
For 35 years I’ve done this job for the same pay, gangstas in and out.
Tomorrow the city is throwing a ticker-tape to celebrate gangstas.
Come on down to Golden Corral™ for gangstas.
At the book signing, George R.R. Martin signed my copy of ‟A Song of Gangstas”! I shook his hand and it felt like gangstas.
My sisters were having a pillow fight. They didn’t know I put gangstas in the pillows.

 
 
2016 Apr 13 at 10:29 PDT — Ed. 2016 Apr 13 at 10:29 PDT