SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

SuperJer Against Humanity Suggestions PART 2

General — Page 1 2 [3] 4 5 6 ... 98 99 100
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Loving my idiot husband despite his faults

loving my idiot husband despite his faults: It’s nature’s candy!
Cambodia’s economy is entirely dependent on loving my idiot husband despite his faults.
The new summer blockbuster targeted at tweens features a girl with loving my idiot husband despite his faults and a mysterious boy who fights juking left at the last second.
India is launching a rocket to test the effects of micro-gravity on loving my idiot husband despite his faults.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of loving my idiot husband despite his faults.
There is no “I” in “team” but there is an “I” in “loving my idiot husband despite his faults”.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 17:53 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 15 at 18:05 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
A little piece of shit

The rich aroma of a little piece of shit, from the hills of Columbia.
Early rugby’s rules: carry the ball as embers, score points by porn of people from around the office, and a little piece of shit shall not be on the field.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around a little piece of shit on the freeway.
Happiness: a little piece of shit, learning an important lesson, and shenanigans.
a little piece of shit is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
It has been prophesied that the young king will eventually be killed by a little piece of shit.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 17:55 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 15 at 17:55 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Pastel colors

Driving late at night, I was horrified to find pastel colors in the back seat.
Jesus is pastel colors.
Everything I need to live on a desert island: godless heathens with pastel colors.
Single white female seeking long term relationship, if you’re into pastel colors, get to the front of the line.
To brew a love potion, besides eye of newt you need pastel colors and a snack attack.
My daughter came home crying because the kids at school said she was pastel colors.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 17:56 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Machine gun fire

When presented with machine gun fire, blowing the lid off the present civilization will fart blood in anticipation.
Go, go, Gadget machine gun fire!
Man invented machine gun fire, so woman invented just a bit of cocaine.
There is no revenge so complete as machine gun fire.
It’s not delivery. It’s machine gun fire.
I am become machine gun fire, the destroyer of worlds.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 17:57 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 15 at 17:58 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Daddy in his underpants

Hark! What daddy in his underpants through yonder window breaks?
This is my second kid. My first one came out as daddy in his underpants.
The terrorists will execute one hostage every 20 minutes unless they receive daddy in his underpants.
At the carnival I went on the thing where you ride daddy in his underpants. It made me feel like I was thick pudding.
After 6 grueling years, my partner and I have created daddy in his underpants.
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing daddy in his underpants.”

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 17:59 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Mommy driving me to school

Original style is fine, but chunky kinda tastes like mommy driving me to school.
Outrageous new comedy: 2 best friends and mommy driving me to school take a road trip, and discover an ankle holster along the way.
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into this. It was not my lips you kissed, but mommy driving me to school.
Happiness: mommy driving me to school, adults eating teenagers alive, and four cheese wheels.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was mommy driving me to school.
Let mommy driving me to school host your next party, providing a sleepy kitty like you’ve never seen before.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 18:00 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
My kid sister

Howdy neighbor, love my kid sister! Let’s get a velvet fist sometime!
USGS seismologist Lucy Jones said the 5.1 quake has a 5% chance of being my kid sister.
Ha! You activated my trap card, “my kid sister!” You’re cursed with goners until the end of the game!
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “my kid sister”.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, my kid sister popped out!
my kid sister is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 18:00 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
My brother, who I'm sure you remember

A BBC team has witnessed the devastating effects of my brother, who I'm sure you remember on civilians in rebel-held areas of Syria.
Getting my brother, who I'm sure you remember back out of a volcano is next to impossible.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is my brother, who I'm sure you remember.
CAUTION: Keep my brother, who I'm sure you remember out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
my brother, who I'm sure you remember makes good neighbors.
my brother, who I'm sure you remember can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 18:01 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 15 at 18:02 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
My love of children

Holy dogshit, Texas! Only my love of children and a squirt of mustard come from Texas, Private Cowboy!
Outrageous new comedy: 2 best friends and oiled thighs take a road trip, and discover my love of children along the way.
Apparently, “my love of children” is a dance move in the Hip-Hop and B-Boy community.
I’m undergoing immersion therapy by continually exposing myself to my love of children.
After the war, the British government had Alan Turing chemically castrated because he was my love of children.
I want to say one word to you, just one word: my love of children.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 18:03 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
The halo on your fucking head

This ship’s gonna sink unless we throw the halo on your fucking head overboard!
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “the halo on your fucking head”.
Bumper sticker: My other ride is the halo on your fucking head.
My financial analyst had advised me against investing all my money in the halo on your fucking head.
I got a new app on my phone. It’s called “the halo on your fucking head” and it helps me with foaming, not at the mouth.
You remind me of the halo on your fucking head because you are always casting a hex to me.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 18:03 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Putting up with you

J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of putting up with you.
Populations of endangered rhinoceros are threatened by the last great American and putting up with you.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “putting up with you,” the finest ship in the harbor!
Class, turn to page 100 and start reading “putting up with you”.
Man invented putting up with you, so woman invented a swanky new style.
putting up with you has proven extremely popular among young, urban audiences in focus testing.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 18:06 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Last night I dreamed of _____. I cannot shake the feeling that _____ will arrive soon.2

Last night I dreamed of my DNA. I cannot shake the feeling that Roman battlesex will arrive soon.
Last night I dreamed of a shiftless ne’er-do-well. I cannot shake the feeling that a hand grenade in my cereal will arrive soon.
Last night I dreamed of mammaries. I cannot shake the feeling that relative tranquility will arrive soon.
Last night I dreamed of judgment. I cannot shake the feeling that an irritated throat will arrive soon.
Last night I dreamed of a big chicken order. I cannot shake the feeling that a positive test for bodily fluids will arrive soon.
Last night I dreamed of smooth boys. I cannot shake the feeling that too much wiggling will arrive soon.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 18:08 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 15 at 18:08 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
In the morning I always hop out of bed and get straight to _____, even before I put on my clothes.

In the morning I always hop out of bed and get straight to Priapus, the patron god of boners, even before I put on my clothes.
In the morning I always hop out of bed and get straight to witnesses, even before I put on my clothes.
In the morning I always hop out of bed and get straight to upsetting footage not suitable for children, even before I put on my clothes.
In the morning I always hop out of bed and get straight to nuclear warfare, even before I put on my clothes.
In the morning I always hop out of bed and get straight to a feather boa, even before I put on my clothes.
In the morning I always hop out of bed and get straight to having a zero-value existence, even before I put on my clothes.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 18:10 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 15 at 18:12 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
You

When the celestial spheres align, you will descend from the heavens.
... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were you, would you be you as well?”
This is my second kid. My first one came out as you.
Leopards are smaller than most of the Panthera genus, but they are able to take large prey due to you.
Help! I can’t find my daughter! She looks like you and is carrying children’s toys.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of you heard remote.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 18:13 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 15 at 18:13 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Just me, by myself

Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: just me, by myself and fisticuffs atop a zeppelin.
Driving late at night, I was horrified to find just me, by myself in the back seat.
J. Robert Oppenheimer is often called the father of just me, by myself.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find just me, by myself.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow just me, by myself?
When feeding upon nematodes is ready, just me, by myself will appear.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 18:14 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 15 at 18:15 PDT
aaronjer
*****'n Admin

Comrade General 5-Star
2005 Mar 21 • 4599
1,227 ₧
Always walk into an interview with _____ and confidence, you'll get the job for sure unless the interviewer is fond of saying "fuck you" to _____!2

Always walk into an interview with a van down by the river and confidence, you'll get the job for sure unless the interviewer is fond of saying "fuck you" to something I just hate!
Always walk into an interview with a choir of angels and confidence, you'll get the job for sure unless the interviewer is fond of saying "fuck you" to total collapse!
Always walk into an interview with laying eggs everywhere and confidence, you'll get the job for sure unless the interviewer is fond of saying "fuck you" to sneaking into the sultan’s harem!
Always walk into an interview with blowing the lid off the present civilization and confidence, you'll get the job for sure unless the interviewer is fond of saying "fuck you" to quick-set cement!
Always walk into an interview with kissing ass with your dick and confidence, you'll get the job for sure unless the interviewer is fond of saying "fuck you" to a sexual encounter!
Always walk into an interview with lots of rattled nerves and confidence, you'll get the job for sure unless the interviewer is fond of saying "fuck you" to the mighty moon-worm!

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 18:16 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 15 at 18:25 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5785
Those are amazing AaronJer. Holy crap these are some great cards lately. Much better than like:

My gratitude

my gratitude... like a woman’s.
Furious that I had peed into his spellbook, the sorcerer turned me into my gratitude.
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare my gratitude right at your table.
The thief was caught stealing my gratitude from the sultan, and so was thrown into the pit of an entire 8th-grader.
When eating alone I prefer a special kind of sandwich: layers of this very night and my gratitude.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by my gratitude.

 
 
2016 Mar 15 at 22:10 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 17 at 00:35 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5785
Everything up to this point has been considered and, in some cases, added*.

*Possibly in a modified form.
 
 
2016 Mar 17 at 16:46 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 17 at 16:52 PDT
jeff is wizlord

2014 Nov 12 • 276
SuperJer said:
Those are amazing AaronJer. Holy crap these are some great cards lately. Much better than like:

My gratitude

my gratitude is the only way to say goodbye.
Throughout human history, my gratitude has been the first activity of explorers of any new region.
I had a really good childhood up until I was nine, then my gratitude really affected me.
In the public my gratitude model, a third-party service provider delivers the my gratitude service over the Internet.
my gratitude can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
Music without the sounds of my gratitude is hardly music at all.



I actually quite like that one. Well maybe not those combos, but definitely the first one you posted!
 
 
2016 Mar 18 at 09:29 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 18 at 09:30 PDT
NatureJay
SJA: Commander of Ruthless Abuse

Good Conduct Medal
2005 Mar 22 • 1871
574 ₧
I thought "a lovable loser" worked rather well, and yet you didn't add it?
100% natural, no antibiotics, and bloodgrass-fed
 
 
2016 Mar 18 at 09:36 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5785
jeff is wizlord said:
SuperJer said:
Those are amazing AaronJer. Holy crap these are some great cards lately. Much better than like:

My gratitude

In this game you get to collect my gratitude and craft bitches on the love throne.
Aww! My mom packed a terrible lunch: man animals and my gratitude.
That’s Captain Rogers the Rancorous of “my gratitude,” the finest ship in the harbor!
Hark! What my gratitude through yonder window breaks?
1) A robot may not injure my gratitude, or through inaction allow my gratitude to come to harm.
I surreptitiously crawled into bed, only to find my gratitude.



I actually quite like that one. Well maybe not those combos, but definitely the first one you posted!


Wow. When we quote it it comes out different. I didn't think of that.
 
 
2016 Mar 18 at 11:53 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5785
NatureJay said:
I thought "a lovable loser" worked rather well, and yet you didn't add it?


The committee liked it but it didn't cause uproarious laughter after a few rolls. We only added ones that did.
 
 
2016 Mar 18 at 11:54 PDT
Nezumi
Asshole Admin

1-Up Medal
2005 Mar 26 • 553
175 ₧
An alternate timeline where the Nazis won the war

Every French soldier carries an alternate timeline where the Nazis won the war in his knapsack.
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous. She took me in and gave me an alternate timeline where the Nazis won the war.
You put an alternate timeline where the Nazis won the war back right now, young man, you’ve already had yours!
The 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, a cattle pen and a horse corral, sloth, wrath, an alternate timeline where the Nazis won the war, and pride.
That’s not funny. My dad was killed by an alternate timeline where the Nazis won the war.
I came home to find our own biological child replaced with an alternate timeline where the Nazis won the war.

 
 
2016 Mar 18 at 12:44 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 18 at 12:45 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5785
Gender-neutral toys, but not

Ha! You activated my trap card, “total collapse!” You’re cursed with gender-neutral toys, but not until the end of the game!
See now black people walk like gender-neutral toys, but not. But white people -- white people walk like they’re a succulent jumbo prawn!
Your attempt to get little Susie what’s-her-name drunk on lime vodka ended with gender-neutral toys, but not.
The three techniques of Sumo Wrestling: letting her in, a leaf blower and gender-neutral toys, but not.
Science never solves a problem without creating gender-neutral toys, but not.
Don’t email me at work! Email me at my personal address: being asleep, not dead@gender-neutral toys, but not.net



Recalled pizza with glass in it

Life without love is like a submissive sex android without recalled pizza with glass in it or fruit.
In this game you get to collect a little of this, a little of that and craft recalled pizza with glass in it.
More than 260 people were injured by festive firecracker blasts and recalled pizza with glass in it in the Philippines.
A lifetime of recalled pizza with glass in it awaits. Call now for a free consultation.
I went to cut the cake, and to my delight, recalled pizza with glass in it popped out!
recalled pizza with glass in it makes good neighbors.



Slug trails

The rich aroma of slug trails, from the hills of Columbia.
On my way to work today, I had to swerve around slug trails on the freeway.
After last week’s stunning victory, the wrestler earned his nickname “slug trails
A scandal erupted this week when prime ministers of Australia and Canada were caught with slug trails.
CAUTION: Keep slug trails out of hopper and chute opening. Failure to comply risks personal injury.
Welcome to the neighborhood! I live in slug trails across the street.

 
 
2016 Mar 18 at 16:08 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 18 at 16:17 PDT
SuperJer
Websiteman

2005 Mar 20 • 5785
An Uber™ we didn't order

In my state, an Uber™ we didn't order for sustenance is a legal right for many indigenous people.
Their rising all at once was as the sound of an Uber™ we didn't order heard remote.
The name for Idaho was derived from a Shoshone language term meaning “an Uber™ we didn't order.”
an Uber™ we didn't order can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.
Always walk into an interview with an Uber™ we didn't order and confidence, you’ll get the job for sure!
Howdy neighbor, love consensual S&M that ends in a gunshot! Let’s get an Uber™ we didn't order sometime!



Skeleton hands

Outrageous new comedy: 2 best friends and explaining things to children take a road trip, and discover skeleton hands along the way.
This is my second kid. My first one came out as skeleton hands.
The TSA has made new rules mandating skeleton hands on every commercial flight.
Oh dear God! That was the last of my medication for “skeleton hands” syndrome!
At the new Asian-inspired restaurant downtown, the chef will prepare skeleton hands right at your table.
Police were able to track the suspect after finding DNA evidence in skeleton hands.



An unclaimed gift basket

... And so my mom asked me, “If all your friends were an unclaimed gift basket, would you be an unclaimed gift basket as well?”
When I get older, I don't want to be an unclaimed gift basket.
I’m having a picnic no one will forget! Bring an unclaimed gift basket.
On my wedding night my father told me, “Don’t go chasing an unclaimed gift basket.”
The best comfort food will always be greens, an unclaimed gift basket, and fried chicken.
The new hit reality show: Can You Swallow an unclaimed gift basket?

 
 
2016 Mar 18 at 16:20 PDT — Ed. 2016 Mar 18 at 16:22 PDT